What's In A Name
by CharCorvin
Summary: Artemis meets a girl. Apparently, he's not a suave as he thought.


Artemis frowned, tapping his pencil against the desk. Saint Bartelby's was going straight to the dogs. First, it was a school for "young gentlemen", but judging by the increase in girls…it wasn't anymore. He rubbed his eyes and looked around at his classmates. Most of the boys fit under the same category. Pimples, too-thick glasses and pocket protectors. The girls varied but mostly involved bushy, untamable hair…and the same thick glasses. Artemis was glad, for the first time in his life, of his good looks. He realized he'd never worry about glasses or looking like a nerd. His hair had grown a bit long for his liking, but Juliet had told him it made him look _bad_…so he'd went with it. He slowly grew out of his fine tailored suit days and moved into more comfortable attire. He resumed tapping his pencil. The teacher was mumbling on about geography or something, Artemis watched his classmates furiously typing in notes. The pencil slipped and clattered to the floor.

Just as Artemis lifted his head back up, the door opened. _Another girl. _She looked around unimpressed, mumbled a few words to the teacher and was directed into a seat next to Artemis.

Artemis couldn't help but stare…She had long brown hair, with bangs that framed her right eye. She wore simple jeans with; he gave a gasp of shock, dirty Chuck Taylor's. She wore many bracelets and had a large black ring on one of her slim fingers. Feeling his eyes on her the girl turned to him. She had dark brown eyes; she gave him a 'what are you looking at' smirk, and then opened her computer.

_Great,_ thought Artemis. _Another computer geek._

But he glanced at the monitor…she was playing Tetris.

Artemis was intrigued.

So the week went by. Artemis, while knowledgeable in a great many things, remained clueless about what to do about the girl. He'd made out many intricate plans involving getting to know her better. But he'd never made it past number one.

_Learn her name._

The girl was quiet, unnervingly so. Artemis figured at first that she was only here because her parents paid unimaginable amounts of money. She never spoke in class, simply pretended to listen to the teacher while she played Tetris. But this idea was quickly squashed when her tests deemed red A+'s when she got them handed to her. He'd glance over at her work to spot a letter grade, but never fast enough to see her name.

Artemis was going crazy. It was time to call in backup.

"Juliet?"

"Hey, Arty. How's school?" Juliet smiled into the phone.

"Uh, wonderful if you like the feeling of being the most intelligent person in the room."

"Well, that sounds like your cup of tea," Juliet smirked.

"Moving on," Artemis began. "I have a problem…"

"You? Problem? My god, what is it?"

"There's this…" Artemis almost couldn't say it. "Girl."

"Awe, Arty's in love. What's her name?" Juliet cooed.

"That would be the problem."

Artemis was calm, cool and collected. In his mind. On the outside he was acting like a lovesick, bumbling moron. He had faced the LEPrecon. He'd faced Juliet when she wasn't allowed to go wrestling. And yet, here he sat completely and utterly bewildered on how to talk to a girl. Thankfully, the girl in question was about to help him out.

She plopped down in her seat.

"Why do you stare at me?" She asked.

Artemis did a fabulous impression of a goldfish, dropped his pencil, went to pick it up and banged his head on the desk.

"You're weird," she rolled her eyes and resumed her game.

Artemis decided it was time to take action. He was going to learn her damn name and there was nothing she could do about it. He walked into geography, his head held high. She was already there; she threw him a quick glance then looked out the window. He sat down facing her in his chair and opened his mouth.

"'MArmisFowl."

"Sorry?" she tried to hide her smile.

"I, uh, Artemis Fowl. Is me." He choked out. If only he could be like Holly and simply…disappear from this girl's sight. But he was a human and thus had to deal with human emotions like embarrassment.

"Hi, Artemis," she shook his hand. He nearly drooled. "I'm…"

"Class!" The teacher interrupted. Artemis had the urge to get the guy fired.

The next day, Artemis sulked into class, taking his regular seat in the back. As soon as he sat down his swivel chair was turned around. The girl smiled warmly at him.

"Well, before we were so rudely interrupted…"

Artemis smiled, despite himself. Things were going good.

Until Rex Winthrop slimmed up.

"Hey, cutie." He chucked her playfully on the chin. Artemis swore he saw her eyes narrow.

"Hi," she muttered, trying to focus her attention back on Artemis.

"I don't think you understood me right. I said 'hey, cutie'." Rex smiled.

"No, message received. I'm just not interested."

The intake of breath from all the girls in the room was stunning.

"Not interested?" Rex asked.

"Not interested." The girl repeated. "I was in the middle of something."

"Fowl isn't something. Fowl is a spoiled little rich kid," Rex laughed.

"And you aren't?" Artemis found himself saying.

Under normal circumstances Artemis would simply have let the gargantuan boy have his giggles and move on. But girls do funny things to boys' minds, making them stupidly brave sometimes.

"You say something, little man?" The thuggishness of his voice was embarrassing.

"Yeah!" Artemis stood up, half noticing the girl laughing to herself. "Yeah, I said something."

Artemis had no idea what he was saying.

"Just, bugger off, okay Rex?" He didn't mean for it to sound like a question.

"Look, before one of you," she threw Artemis a pointed look. "Gets hurt, maybe you should just go sit down." She patted Rex firmly on the arm. He winced.

"Fine, date the little freak. See if I give a damn," Rex rumbled off.

The girl couldn't resist, "Fine, FINE! I will! I will date him and see if you give a damn!"

Artemis stared at her. She stared back at him. He laughed.

"You're weird," he laughed.

_Oh, God, _he thought. _I'm laughing._

"So where were we?" she smiled.

"You were about to tell me your name."

"Right, I'm-"

Just then, the fire alarm went off.


End file.
